Current mood:	lost
Current music:	american football

here's to being unoriginal.
I wake up exhausted it's not morning
It's back to sleep to re-dream me
We're alone and we're happy.



i wish i had something original of my own to write instead of using song lyrics to express what i feel. i think i'm having blockage..i have no way to express myself. i wish i had space just to dance my heart out. even if noone was watching i think it would be even better if noone did. just get it all out. cause for now all i've got is this journal and my tears. i get on here and i try and try to write something worth reading. but the words wont flow out of me. so, here i am again typing up another pointless ramble. all my livejournal is, is me rolling around in my own self pity. honestly, i have nothing better to write about. i'm satisfied but i'm not happy. really my only happiness is david. and lately i overwhelmed with the thought of something going wrong and ripping us apart. it's all i worry about, except for the money. so here i am again, depending on someone else to make me happy. i guess that happens with nothing else does. how do i build myself, how do i create stable ground to walk on. cause as of now my living situation and myself are anything but stable. i'm having such a hard time growing up and having responsibilites. i feel as if i should go back home to my mom's at times, but i want nothing to do with living under someone elses roof again. i couldn't stand going back and being controlled. i don't even think i could fall asleep there without david by myside. my favorite part of everyday is crawling into bed with him. his arm's are my only real home, and sleep is my only escape from the chaos that is my apartment with 6 screaming people at all times. i crave peace, i crave culture and new adventures with new people. shit, i even miss adventures with my old friends. i hardly speak to anyone that i once knew since i moved to winston. i don't feel connected to anyone anymore. i've lost myself, and i have no faith. i'm a pessimist at it's finest that's not changed. i really can't find brandi karlick anymore. i know she's somewhere inside. i'm just lost in transition. just drifting a long, looking for a piece of mind.