| (no subject) |
[Jan. 27th, 2009|09:22 pm] |
nothing new. same shit, different day.
my life blurrs together in weeks. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 22nd, 2008|06:08 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  crappy | ] |
i hate everything
i hate everything
i hate everything
oh and did i mention.. everything sucks. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 19th, 2008|05:12 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  discontent | ] |
things are out of control, i don't know how much more i can take. |
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| i'm not a writer, there's no eleoquence here.. |
[Oct. 10th, 2008|03:03 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  awake | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | daft punk | ] |
you know i was just thinking.
do you ever really find yourself?
or do you simply find your self looking for that self for the rest of your life?
i just don't know what to think anymore.
life moves so fast, i just feel like i can't grasp it sometimes.
this is so hard to get out. i can't explain what i'm feeling and it's driving me up the wall.
why am i so at lost for words? it's been this way for months.
i can't even think straight anymore.
i exist in a room, but i'm never fully there. i've just lost myself.
i don't feel like i'm living..
every day is the same.
everyday exactly the same.
i swear i can't stand to be in that place anymore.
i will lose my mind if i don't get out soon.
i'm suffocating on the inside.
i just want to feel connected.
so much has changed, and so much needs to be changed.
i just don't know where to start. |
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| lately... |
[Oct. 6th, 2008|03:33 pm] |
sick for a month, still getting over it.
11 months for david and i. we're still stronger than ever.
i got a car, i just gotta get my license.
we need a new place to live.
i'm outta work for a week, i need that money.
shit.
short short update. |
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| here's to being unoriginal. |
[Sep. 19th, 2008|03:00 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  lost | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | american football | ] |
I wake up exhausted it's not morning
It's back to sleep to re-dream me
We're alone and we're happy.
i wish i had something original of my own to write instead of using song lyrics to express what i feel. i think i'm having blockage..i have no way to express myself. i wish i had space just to dance my heart out. even if noone was watching i think it would be even better if noone did. just get it all out. cause for now all i've got is this journal and my tears. i get on here and i try and try to write something worth reading. but the words wont flow out of me. so, here i am again typing up another pointless ramble. all my livejournal is, is me rolling around in my own self pity. honestly, i have nothing better to write about. i'm satisfied but i'm not happy. really my only happiness is david. and lately i overwhelmed with the thought of something going wrong and ripping us apart. it's all i worry about, except for the money. so here i am again, depending on someone else to make me happy. i guess that happens with nothing else does. how do i build myself, how do i create stable ground to walk on. cause as of now my living situation and myself are anything but stable. i'm having such a hard time growing up and having responsibilites. i feel as if i should go back home to my mom's at times, but i want nothing to do with living under someone elses roof again. i couldn't stand going back and being controlled. i don't even think i could fall asleep there without david by myside. my favorite part of everyday is crawling into bed with him. his arm's are my only real home, and sleep is my only escape from the chaos that is my apartment with 6 screaming people at all times. i crave peace, i crave culture and new adventures with new people. shit, i even miss adventures with my old friends. i hardly speak to anyone that i once knew since i moved to winston. i don't feel connected to anyone anymore. i've lost myself, and i have no faith. i'm a pessimist at it's finest that's not changed. i really can't find brandi karlick anymore. i know she's somewhere inside. i'm just lost in transition. just drifting a long, looking for a piece of mind.
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 18th, 2008|03:18 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  loved | ] |
i wanna love you and treat you right.
i wish i could take all your problems away, all our problems away.
i just want to see you happy. and even more so happy with me.
i'm just as crazy about you now, as i was the day i met you.
no feelings have changed they have just deepened and gotten stronger.
i think it's safe to say i'm madly in love with you.
i have never connected with anyone like i have with you.
i am your fiance without a ring.(not for long) and i could never be more proud. |
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| a trouble that can't be named. |
[Sep. 16th, 2008|03:01 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | cold | ] |
i'm sure that i'm unsure about a lot of things. i feel like i'm just drifting a long.
dlfks;oiadfolldjkjg
it's just too cluttered.
Lights go out and I can't be saved
Tides that I tried to swim against
You've put me down upon my knees
Oh I beg, I beg and please, singin'
Come out of things unsaid
Shoot, an apple off my head.
And the
Trouble that cant be named
The tiger's waiting to be tamed singin'
You are
You are
Confusion never stops
Closing walls and ticking clocks
Gonna come back and take you home
I could not stop but you now know, singin'
Come out upon my seas,
Curse missed opportunities
Am I a part of the cure
Or am I part of the disease, singin'
You are, you are
You are, you are
You are, you are
Nothing else compares.
Oh, no nothing else compares
Oh, no nothing else compares
You are
Home, home where I wanted to go.
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| the dissconnect |
[Sep. 15th, 2008|10:27 pm] |
i hate being angry, i have spent so much time in my life being angry.
it's like i just explode, and i don't mean too.
that's what i hate. it's now become a character flaw.
i will have to work on that..somehow.
but for now i need a piece of mind.
i'm starting to feel like i'm losing myself. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 15th, 2008|07:57 pm] |
i hate that unsettling feeling.
you know what i mean, right in the depths of your belly. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 14th, 2008|11:03 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  blah | ] |
there's an apartment full of people, and i am completely out of my mind bored. thats sad. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 8th, 2008|03:29 pm] |
i have no words to express the feelings that i feel and the things that go through my head..
is this growing up, is it always going to be a constant struggle?
i assumed i'd go no where, that i'd end up like my parents.
but all i have ever said is that i want nothing to do with being like them.
but thats all i see for myself. i have no idea what to do or where to go.
isn't that what usually happens. i'm satisfied with my life at the moment.
but theres a difference between being satisfied and ultimately happy.
it's like i'm in a whirlwind of who i want to be and who i am.
i don't know if i'm happy with myself. i wish i pushed myself more.
i try and try and try but i seem not to make progress.
it's insane how recluse i've been the past few years.
most would say that it's because of when i dated zac.
or since i started dating david. noone seems to get
that it's not them at all, it's my personal choice.
i love people, don't get me wrong.
but what i can't stand is that friends i do or did make,
people talk to much, i can't trust anyone.
and it's not even that i care that they have things to say about me, but why not just tell me what you think.
.(more to come i'm so not done..) |
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| everything is constantly |
[Sep. 2nd, 2008|03:06 pm] |
changing, changing, changing, and rearranging.
life is anything but normal currently. |
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| .....MARLEY, NO! BAD KITTY. |
[Jun. 28th, 2008|09:00 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  chipper | ] |
david and i got a kitten and we named it marley; and all a long he was in fact a she. oh well. SHE'S FUCKING INSANE. i look like a cutter to say the least. heh. since summer began i've been in winston with david. my life is pretty interesting. we've surrounded ourselves with a great group of friend's. it's an extended family away from my mothers house. i love winston, actually. i got a job at moe's. i'm pretty excited about getting a job. i haven't had money in months, i can't remember the last time i had my own money. over all, life is beautiful, i'm inlove and it couldn't get any better.
summertime and the livin' really is easy. |
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| this song describes us perfectly. |
[May. 28th, 2008|12:49 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | calm | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | o.a.r. | ] |
It's three a.m. and I want to go to bed.
I got a lady running through my head
Ran out of money looking for a night shift.
It's three a.m. and I want to go to bed.
I know a lady way down in my country.
She was so pretty that my eyes threw disguises at me.
Now we will sit and we'll wonder about our future.
But now I'm thinking that today sounds fine to me.
Well I been working five days full time.
Ain't got no money, but everything is going fine.
Well, I been tired in my head.
Well, I been tired in my head.
It's three a.m. and I want to go to bed
I got a lady running through my head
Ran out of money looking for a night shift
It's three a.m. and I want to go to bed
I know this lady whose eyes fly right through me
And she will sit and stare directly at me.
And that laugh will take me to my future.
Throughout my past there is nothing left for me.
But I been working five days full time .
Ain't got no money but everything is going fine.
I been tired in my head.
Said I been tired in my head.
It's three a.m. and I want to go to bed.
I got a lady running through my head.
Ran out of money, looking for a night shift.
It's three a.m. and I want to go to bed.
I feel my lady late night she comes to me.
Invades my mind reminds me of where we should be.
So we just sit and we dream about our future.
Throughout my past there is nothing left for me.
But I've been thinking five days full time.
Ain't got no money, but everything is going fine.
But I've been tired in my head.
Well I am tired in my head.
It's three a.m. and I want to go to bed.
I got a lady running through my head.
Ran out of money, looking for a night shift.
It's three a.m. and I want to go to bed.
My lady won't leave my head.
I just want to rest my head to bed.
She won't let me go.
I don't want to go.
david we have made a beautiful life together thus far, i love you. |
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| k-vegas blues. |
[May. 19th, 2008|07:04 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | crappy | ] |
i'm afraid home is no longer where the heart is.
the only thing i enjoy here is my cat.
my heart is in camel city, and i crave the city noises.
there is nothing here for me anymore, i only crave old faces.
i think i'm about done with kernersville.
i want to pick up and move. |
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| my head has been in the clouds today. |
[Apr. 30th, 2008|06:31 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  thoughtful | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | owen | ] |
some days my mind is so cluttered, i almost feel as if i can't get a full thought out.
theres just so much on my mind, i've hardly spoken all day. |
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| optimist? usually my glass is half full. |
[Apr. 30th, 2008|01:12 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  high | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | soundtrack to our lives | ] |
melodies flow past my ear drums,
lulling luke-warm lullabies of my past.
i've got mediocre dreams of
a simple life, a happy life, comfortable without too much struggle.
my head still isn't completely on straight,
all in good time.
i've learned:
to work hard,
but love more.
the greatest love can come easy,
and patience is the virtue.
don't be afraid to give your heart,
your whole heart.
whether it be to something you love,
or to someone you love.
i promise it will bleed into all parts of your life.
but always love yourself above all,
only you can make you happy.
do things with care,
and make everything worth your time.
be passionate, have compassion.
because being angry is a waste of time and energy.
and quit dwelling on things,
you can't change what's happened.
and regretting it is pointless.
but most of all; be real with yourself and others.
make every day count.
go; the whole world is in front of you.
i'm finally there
18 and counting..
but you know,
i'm not scared.
i think i'm actually ready. |
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